Padma Lakshmi, Love, Loss, and What We Ate: A Memoir
On my third day in Dubai, I discovered that I am not quite in touch with my femininity. I saw the lack of femininity in everything I did: the way I greeted unknown people and talked to men, the way I walked and drove. I saw it even in my lingerie: boring colours and shapes. I lacked grace.
I also realized that women are the most beautiful creatures on the earth. They are a gift to everybody. Women can be fully giving and gently surrendering. Their core is LOVE.
As a North American woman, I bring out my femininity only for the occasion, but women in Dubai are feminine all the time. Femininity makes them beautiful, loving and graceful. And local Emirati women are a quintessence of femininity.
On my seventh day in Dubai, I was very lucky to attend an Emirati engagement party.
Emirati engagements and weddings may vary greatly within the different emirates and tribes, but they all have separate ceremonies for men and women.
A traditional Emirati wedding involved a number of rituals and ceremonies with proper etiquette and protocol. The engagement is the initial step. Actually, the initial step is for the women of the families to meet face to face with the bride-to-be. Once everything is in order amongst the women, it is time for the men of the families to gather and witness the formal request for the bride-to-be’s hand. The patriarchs of the families then discuss details of the essential dowry and other formalities.
In addition to the dowry, the groom's family also presents gifts for the bride. The gifts are set up in an elaborate box and displayed for the guests at the engagement party. The box consists of fine pieces of jewelry, ouds, perfumes, fabrics and clothes and is usually delivered to the bride's house on Wednesday. Then a big celebration takes place separately for the bride and her guests and the groom and his guests.
My best friend Gulnara, who has been living in Dubai for the last five years, was invited to her Emirati friend’s engagement party. The invitation was kindly extended to me and two other friends. When we arrived at the bride’s house, I was surprised to see a big property with several villas (there are 12 children in the bride’s family) and majilis (private place where guests are received and entertained). When we entered majilis, I was transported to a fairytale world: fine marble floor, Persian gold wall ornaments, humongous comfy couches, magnificent flower arrangements, exotic fragrances, heart touching Arabic music and many-many-many welcoming Emirati women. Some wore their black abayas (traditional loose overgarments) and shaylas (traditional scarves), some opened the front of their abayas and draped them off of their shoulders, few wore burqas (partial metal face mask that is a sign of beauty among older, very traditional women), but most wore glitzy designer dresses and decadent jewelry. Despite the opulent decor and clothes, taking pictures at Emirati engagements and weddings is done only by the professional photographers hired by the family.
We were treated as honoured guests and shown an incredible level of hospitality. I have never kissed so many women at once. Emirati women greet each other by kissing several times on both cheeks or three times on the right cheek. After greeting many family members and friends, we were seated on one of the couches. We were served pre-dinner tea, coffee, juices, and sweets and offered to use different perfumes by Christian Dior, including the famous Oud Ispahan. Then the solemn music started, and the beaming bride proceeded to the main room, smiling happily and pausing for the photographers. She stopped several times to receive congratulations from the guests.
A local dinner was served in vast quantities. I tempted my tastebuds with gahwah (Arabic coffee) and karak chai (strong fragrant and spiced Indian tea), Arabic appetizers, mixed grilled meats, goat meat and Persian rice.
Once the plates were cleared, all the women put back their abayas and shaylas. Soon the ululations (high-pitched celebratory vocal sounds by women) began, which meant that the groom was on his way to meet the bride. He entered majilis alone and was escorted to the bride by his mother and aunt. We all gathered to watch the union of two people and coming together of two families. We listened to an amazing song by the fantastic female singer Fatoma, which was played when we first saw the groom.
We left the party overwhelmed with joy and admiration for Emirati traditions and culture. It was definitely a night to remember and an opportunity to fast track my femininity.
