Why does love always comes back in the middle of the night? The dream of her first love comes every spring. It’s always vivid, real and uncomplicated like a warm ocean. The dream unlocks forgotten memories of a man who vanished from her mind a long time ago. She never tried to bury memories. They just faded.
She woke up to the warm light of the city outside of her window. Where is he? He was smiling at her a second ago. It took her some time to realize that he was in her dream.
They were seventeen and didn’t plan to fall in love. She first met him in 1985 by her university dorm. It was spring of her first year in the capital city. Two months ago, Mikhail Gorbachev became the General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. They didn't know then that it was beginning of the end of the superpower. They never lived in a market economy. Abundance of goods was in the future. Back then there was little to buy at the state-run shops and department stores. You were supposed to be creative to own a pair of blue jeans or fancy shoes, and also to find a way to make extra money to buy the goods. He was the creative guy who would periodically become a middleman of the black market.
“Do you want to buy denim hats?” A young man walked towards her and her friend. He was well built, but not tall compared to another young man who walked behind him. “I would love to buy. Can you come to our dorm Friday?” her friend replied cheerfully.
By Friday evening her friend changed her mind and didn’t want to buy a hat. “Can you please tell the guy that I am not in the dorm? I am sure he will not come again.”
This time she got a closer look at the young man. His face was one of confidence with prominent cheekbones. His nose and chin were well-defined. His dark eyes were filled with kindness and radiated some intrigue. They quickly chatted about her friend and the hat business. She declined his offer to go for a car drive. It was late and she was not into him. But that evening some strange forces pulled them together.
Their on and off love was never dramatic or emotional. It was like a soft sunlight, warm, melodic and the colours of honey. Their first love was like a sunrise, short, sparkling and promising. Its beauty would stay with her forever, at least in her dreams. Their second and third loves were like a sunset, full of beautiful rays, but slowly falling into a twilight. Since then, she would feel some weird sadness during the sunset. Since then, she would long for something more during the sunset.
They loved being together, but they also loved being apart. He wanted more than she could offer. She knew that they were not enough for each other. He got mad at her only once when she compared him to a new guy in her life. She loved to love and be loved.
Their bond is always real in her dream. “Can we still be together in an alternative universe?” A carousel of thoughts stopped, and she got back to sleep.
