Turning 50

“Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.”

Joey Adams

In June 2016 I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that I would be turning fifty in 352 days. My heart was racing, and my brain was telling me “You are becoming middle aged (not really, I am not in the middle)! You are entering an entirely new demographic group (not really again, I have already been offered a senior discount at Shoppers Drug Mart)!” There was something about turning fifty that freaked me out that night and left me sleepless.  

I literally had a panic attack. “What would I tell people when they ask me my age? I cannot even say “fifty” out loud to myself. Fifty is definitely not the new 40, fifty is 50! It is easy to accept that I could not turn back time. It is hard to accept that I could not turn heads anymore. F-i-f-t-y is scary!”  

At the end of my panic attack, I decided that I would not celebrate my fiftieth birthday and would just go away somewhere. The thought was so liberating. I would go to Tibet, Nepal or Bhutan (I could only picture myself somewhere in Himalayas) and come to terms with fifty there. Somehow, I thought that holy lands and high altitude would take all my worries away. I also decided to do a challenging kora (a walk circling a sacred site) around the base of Mount Kailash in Tibet and became a renewed person on my fiftieth birthday. Kailash is a sacred mountain for four faiths: Hindus, Buddhists, Jains and followers of the indigenous Tibetan religion of Bon. It is a very symmetrical peak of a distinctive diamond-like shape made of of black rock. They say that anything you have ever wanted to know about yourself can be found in Kailash. I would love to know more about myself! 

Then I started dreaming of meeting His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet… not in Tibet, but in Dharamsala, India, and other nice guys, such as Richard Gere. Feeling happy with my genius plan, I quickly fell back asleep.  

Fast forward 9 months. At the beginning of March 2017, I decided that the only way to turn fifty properly is to embrace and celebrate it. Am I not old enough, wise enough and lived long enough to be a joyful, sensual and in control woman to celebrate my millstone? I definitely am. I am not going to Tibet, or Nepal, or Bhutan (in the past 9 months I’ve also considered Hawaii, London, Alaska and Las Vegas). I will have a party.  

My birthday party “Fifty shades of LS” is in 2 months and it will be epic. I wish I could list all 50 “shades” of me, but you will probably get bored by #18. So here my “top 17” list: 

• I do not feel old (honestly, I do not).
• I have a freedom that comes with age (freedom to be nice).
• I can still rock a dress (despite my geriatric armpits, although they have never been perfect) and wear a bikini at the beach.
• I have a partial denture while I am waiting for my dental implants (actually, for a second surgery).
• I am wise as I can speak from experience (at least I think I am wise).
• I am powerful, driven and focused (most of the time).
• I feel happy every day and even extremely happy some days (this is my interpretation of meditation).
• I don’t have time for any nonsense (although sometimes I fake that I have time for nonsense, but it is basically in one ear and out the other).
• I am old enough to be confident (except for my armpits and jawline).
• I am still young enough to be hilarious (can you be old and hilarious?).
• I celebrate something every week (with wine; I do not think it is a bad habit, so I am sticking with it.)
• My husband and my sons are my best-best-best friends and loyal ones (they always have my back).
• I know who I am (translates I am nice to myself).
• I try to be non-judgmental, non-gossipy and kind (most of the time).
• I think sleep is the best meditation (actually Dalai Lama thinks so).
• I dream small and big dreams (one of them is to visit Tibet).
• I think life is full of beauty and love!

I can continue the list, but I also want to share with you some “wisdoms” I have learned in life so far. So I am going to place a period here (we should control our punctuation from time to time, right?) and work on my next post. LOVE you all!